US Government Sanctioned Mobsters

A few weeks ago, I was involved in an accident. I accidentally love tapped a city bus.

As my pictures prove, my vehicle got the worst of it. The bus was fine. IMG_0331

We didn’t report the incident to our insurance company because I can afford to repair the damage myself.

A few days ago our insurance company called saying that the city was requesting $500 to repair the “damage.” After correspondence with Mike Seo, who works in the SacRT Risk Management division, I have decided to blog about this.

After he didn’t get his way, he began to threaten, and be rude, and I am absolutely sick of it. He has no right to speak to me this way.  He is showing his true colors, the fact that he is a Government Sanctioned/Employed mobster.

As the email shows, he is now resorting to child like behavior to get his way. For the record, I didn’t demand $100. I said I would pay $250, but I wanted to see the invoice, I would be a fool to hand over $250 without knowing where it is going. All I want is the proof that my money is being spent to repair the very slightly damaged bus. That isn’t an unreasonable request by any means.

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For a complete copy of our email conversation, please email me at, I will send the PDF file.

As of right now, we have until tomorrow morning to respond. I would like to respond with “shove your greedy governmental hands into someone else’s pockets, and take what isn’t yours without a fight from them”



Its Not My Day

Today hasn’t been great. I’ve been hungry, I’ve been to Starbucks, even though I didn’t really want to go. I feel depressed, and my eye is twitching and math confuses me!

I’m not who I was

It’s been almost 3 years since I started at a new school. Over the past 3 years I’ve learned a lot. I’ve suffered a lot, I’ve laughed, loved and listened a lot. My life is quickly changing. Moving for the first time in my life. Leaving behind what I’ve come to know as my own personal “normal.” I’m a strange kid with lots of problems. I’m hyper-active, I find random things funny, I have self-image issues, I have trust issues, I disconnect from the world on a daily basis. I am Austen, and it’s an odd life to live. I wouldn’t trade it without some legal stipulations such as I get to keep my best friend and I get a Maserati, but for the most part I like being me. Other times I hate myself more than any person possibly could.

Being the talkative, seemingly friendly kid that I am, people like to talk to me. They tell me their secrets, they tell me a lot of lies, they tell me whats bothering them, they tell me what makes them happy. Sharing my time with people is bittersweet. Hearing how they are hurting, and knowing how it feels to be them, gives me an inside track to helping them. Hearing how happy they are makes me really sad sometimes. Again, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Who I was 3 years ago is not who I am now. The basic elements that make up Austen are still there, talkative, hyper, insane, blonde, funny, sometimes quiet, extremely irritable, and pretty far on the weird side. But I’m not who I was. I’ve loved, I’ve been burned. I’ve cared, and not given a darn. I’ve cried, and laughed. I’ve been angry, and I’m still angry. I don’t want to talk about this anymore right now.

The Days of MY Life, Seasons 1-3

Ushering a new year can be cathartic. You forgive and forget the past 12 months, you start trying to self improve. The human brain doesn’t function like that. Depression, hurt, betrayal and pain don’t work on your schedule. When those you trust betray your trust, when they use you and lose you, it stays with you for a very long time.

Before school ended, someone who I thought I could trust, someone I had been working with, used me, lied to my parents, then gave me dirty looks before the school year ended. It was my sincere goal to make my school a better place for everyone. Now I just want to get out of there. It has been non-stop drama, year after year. Once a problem is fixed or close to being resolved two more pop up. The level of immaturity I have witnessed, sadly hasn’t only been from my classmates but from a lot of the adults and administrators and school personnel that are suppose to be teaching us how to be the best version of our selves that we can be.

I tried to transfer, but that didn’t work, and now I have to spend the next 5 months of my life in a place I hate for so many reasons.

10th grade was horrible for me. Betrayed by everyone, abandoned by the people who said they loved me, cared about me, and only wanted what was best, and for me to be safe. One of my teachers called me a liar to my face, then made a big fuss about something that as the great counselor she thinks she is, she should have seen as massive pain and heartache, a cry for help, but no. She turned me in, made a huge problem, nearly got me expelled and I still think she should go fall off a cliff for it. Attacked by classmates, portrayed as the evil mastermind with a plan for the destruction of their precious Capital Christian High School, I was made the villain when in reality I was the victim. 

11th grade was slightly better, but 3 months in, hurricane heartbreak hit in full force. Heartbreak only added to the whispering, the pointing, the staring the laughing, the jeering, the outright cruelty, because I chose to Varsity Cheer instead of football or basketball. I suck at football, of course I’m not going to try out for that sport. I went where I knew I could succeed. It cost me sleep and happiness, but I still loved it. I loved my team, my coaches are amazing and I had a lot of fun, even though I was out with an injury for most of the year. Eventually the heartbreak storm ended, but the clouds will always hang over me, never again will I let my guard down and trust someone with anything.

12th grade… It sucks. In September, dad decided to be rash and insane, he took my phone and laptop and car, and that sent me into a whirl of depression. I couldn’t focus, I couldn’t concentrate, I couldn’t function. To make matters worse he decided that cussing at me in the school parking lot, in front of the creepy security guard was a good idea. He thought I slammed the door, when in reality, the door is just loud and the seat belt was stuck. The same day when he picked me up from school he cussed at me again and when I told him he couldn’t talk to me like that, he said it was appropriate because thats how he felt. Well that taught me that its okay to say whatever you want if its how you feel. 

By the time finals came around, my grades were abysmal, my depression was worse, and I had been betrayed yet again my a man who was supposed to be looking out for my best interests. This time it was the Dean of Students. He had tried to recruit me for a pyramid company called BodyByVi. He called me into his office at 5pm on a Wednesday, I was at the school working with Oxygen, the church’s youth group. He asked me what kind of cars I liked, and then gave me a DVD to watch. That same night I got some very shocking, unrelated news that made me cry for hours. When I got home I told my mom everything that had happened, and she got pretty upset because of how inappropriate the Dean’s actions were. Then it got worse. He texted me all day, at night, then on Friday when I was out to dinner with a friend, that I hadn’t seen in a while, he called me multiple times, never leaving a voicemail, but it made me really angry. When I am at school, I am there to help you with technology, to make your life easier and the school better. When I leave school, I am no longer your concern, and unless its a school related project don’t text me. Don’t call me, we aren’t friends. We aren’t even colleagues. Further action has yet to be decided on this matter.

So yet again, abandoned, betrayed, and used by a male authority figure, Capital Christian and someone I started to trust. My counselor and I have been working to overcome my massive trust issues, especially with men. We talked about how good it was that I was working with Garza, because he was someone I could trust and work with, and he is someone who can help me through the next 5 months of my life. Well unfortunately, he is out of the picture now, and he’s just another name on a list of people who have hurt me and that I do not trust.

An event happened concerning the security guard in 11th grade, that I can’t write because I never said anything except to 3 people, but it made me hate and not trust him. When I got detention for the stupidest thing the office lady said that he cares personally for us and our safety. Well I felt like screaming at her for that because he doesn’t. Not to mention I was just fine in Germany, Israel, Mexico and Africa by myself, I think I can handle driving to Starbucks, have a nice day…

So basically, the last three years of my life have sucked.  Nothing will change the past, and sadly the future doesn’t start for another 5 months when I am free of this stupid, retarded, godless school.

Happy New…

Happy New Go Kiss a Rose Bush! If you think that 1/1/13 is the beginning of “Your Year” then you can start seeking professional help IMMEDIATELY! The only way that 2013 becomes “Your Year” is if you quit whining and complaining about everything, take charge of your life, go after what you want, destroy the competition, and actually set goals that you can accomplish. 

Get a job, quit moping, quit asking me for money, and make something of yourself.

That One Friend

Everyone has a friend that will come and pick them up at midnight, when they are crying, miserable and just need someone to hold them and tell them that everything will be okay. Everyone has a friend who will talk to them at all hours of the night, about anything on earth. That will be the shoulder to cry on, or in my case, the shoulder that will need surgery, since its been used as a punching bag by about 10 different people. Most people would think that someone has social as this, would have lots of people to talk to. More friends than they know what to do with. The sadly cold reality is this, the friend who is always there for you, doesn’t have that. He or she doesn’t have someone like themselves.

For me, my computer is my punching bag, friend and I’m kind of my own driver. My best friend lives 3,000 miles away in West Virginia. We see each other once a year. One week of hugs, gossip, catching up, new memories and of course, singing, dancing, and utterly ridiculous behavior. Cramming a years worth of fun into one week works for about 2 months, but after that, you just want to hang out, and be close to each other. Texting is great, but theres nothing like sitting around talking about how badly in need of a make over that one girl is, or how totally irritating that one boy is. After 3 years, you can each other’s voice and sarcasm in their texts. You can see their facial expressions when they send you certain emoji.

People have a hard time understanding that a boy and a girl can be friends without it turning into something more. After 3 years, if they aren’t FB official or in a more than platonic relationship of any kind, then you might as well start setting them up on dates with other people because it isn’t going to happen…ever.

The superficial appearance of a person can be exponentially different from what they really are. Truth be told, I hate people. I hate my school. I hate just about everything in general. I didn’t always but after a year of unending torture and various other problems, you come to see the world even clearer than you already did. People are never in it for you, they are there to help themselves. When you find that person that is there for you all the time, hold on the them, because they are hard to find.

When the adults you trust or are told to trust fail you, you really don’t have any one else to turn to but yourself. You solve problems yourself, you become extremly anti-social, and you stop feeling bad for people. You stop caring about doing things to mess with people. You stop caring about what everyone thinks, because it is already abundantly clear. When you set yourself up to fail, and then fail, it takes a long time to sort out your feelings and the mess you created for yourself.

Being the top geek at school, home and everywhere else, you start to realize how true movies really are. You spend your weekends fixing computers, tinkering with websites, changing things, editing videos, surfing the web. You don’t have very many friends and it isn’t only because you prefer computers to people, its just because you aren’t anyone’s first call for fun. You don’t date, you don’t go out, you avoid school events. If you are at a school event, you are most likely fixing something, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, designer of course, please I’m not a caveman.

Your friends don’t understand why you are the way you are, adults think you should get out more, and you wish everyone would either leave you alone, or hang out with you just to have fun. Not because you are useful or they have a problem, but because they actually want to be around you, to hang out with the real you.

The world is a tough place. It is unforgiving, ruthless and cold. It doesn’t say please and it doesn’t act fair. You exist in the bubble you exist in. Don’t bother trying to get out, you will never make it.

There comes a time

There comes a time in every person’s life when they have to make a choice. Sometimes the best choice is to stand back, and do absolutely nothing, voice no opinion on the issue. Other times you can’t help  but jump in and get your hands dirty. And then that rare occasion when you want nothing to do with it.

You make me hate humanity

When I say I want to be stress free for finals, you take that and do everything you absolutely can to make me stressed out for finals.

If I want to eat toast, and I want jam on that toast, and I want to eat that toast with jam on it, in my room, then I am going to eat that freaking toast in my room.

You obviously don’t understand what its like to always have you pissed off for no reason, taking things out of context, and always being mad about someone else being mad. Maybe instead of yelling at me, you should yell at you, because children learn from their parents, and right now, you are doing a bang up job at being a jerk.

I think you should know that if I had to choose between going to Africa for a week or putting up with you for another day, I think I would choose Africa…

You frustrate me to no end, you have a standard that no one could ever reach and I am done playing your stupid games. Get a life, because right now your goal is to ruin mine. Don’t drag me down with you, while you grow old with no one, because everyone will eventually see that dull, inane, cruel, old crony you are.