Ushering a new year can be cathartic. You forgive and forget the past 12 months, you start trying to self improve. The human brain doesn’t function like that. Depression, hurt, betrayal and pain don’t work on your schedule. When those you trust betray your trust, when they use you and lose you, it stays with you for a very long time.
Before school ended, someone who I thought I could trust, someone I had been working with, used me, lied to my parents, then gave me dirty looks before the school year ended. It was my sincere goal to make my school a better place for everyone. Now I just want to get out of there. It has been non-stop drama, year after year. Once a problem is fixed or close to being resolved two more pop up. The level of immaturity I have witnessed, sadly hasn’t only been from my classmates but from a lot of the adults and administrators and school personnel that are suppose to be teaching us how to be the best version of our selves that we can be.
I tried to transfer, but that didn’t work, and now I have to spend the next 5 months of my life in a place I hate for so many reasons.
10th grade was horrible for me. Betrayed by everyone, abandoned by the people who said they loved me, cared about me, and only wanted what was best, and for me to be safe. One of my teachers called me a liar to my face, then made a big fuss about something that as the great counselor she thinks she is, she should have seen as massive pain and heartache, a cry for help, but no. She turned me in, made a huge problem, nearly got me expelled and I still think she should go fall off a cliff for it. Attacked by classmates, portrayed as the evil mastermind with a plan for the destruction of their precious Capital Christian High School, I was made the villain when in reality I was the victim.
11th grade was slightly better, but 3 months in, hurricane heartbreak hit in full force. Heartbreak only added to the whispering, the pointing, the staring the laughing, the jeering, the outright cruelty, because I chose to Varsity Cheer instead of football or basketball. I suck at football, of course I’m not going to try out for that sport. I went where I knew I could succeed. It cost me sleep and happiness, but I still loved it. I loved my team, my coaches are amazing and I had a lot of fun, even though I was out with an injury for most of the year. Eventually the heartbreak storm ended, but the clouds will always hang over me, never again will I let my guard down and trust someone with anything.
12th grade… It sucks. In September, dad decided to be rash and insane, he took my phone and laptop and car, and that sent me into a whirl of depression. I couldn’t focus, I couldn’t concentrate, I couldn’t function. To make matters worse he decided that cussing at me in the school parking lot, in front of the creepy security guard was a good idea. He thought I slammed the door, when in reality, the door is just loud and the seat belt was stuck. The same day when he picked me up from school he cussed at me again and when I told him he couldn’t talk to me like that, he said it was appropriate because thats how he felt. Well that taught me that its okay to say whatever you want if its how you feel.
By the time finals came around, my grades were abysmal, my depression was worse, and I had been betrayed yet again my a man who was supposed to be looking out for my best interests. This time it was the Dean of Students. He had tried to recruit me for a pyramid company called BodyByVi. He called me into his office at 5pm on a Wednesday, I was at the school working with Oxygen, the church’s youth group. He asked me what kind of cars I liked, and then gave me a DVD to watch. That same night I got some very shocking, unrelated news that made me cry for hours. When I got home I told my mom everything that had happened, and she got pretty upset because of how inappropriate the Dean’s actions were. Then it got worse. He texted me all day, at night, then on Friday when I was out to dinner with a friend, that I hadn’t seen in a while, he called me multiple times, never leaving a voicemail, but it made me really angry. When I am at school, I am there to help you with technology, to make your life easier and the school better. When I leave school, I am no longer your concern, and unless its a school related project don’t text me. Don’t call me, we aren’t friends. We aren’t even colleagues. Further action has yet to be decided on this matter.
So yet again, abandoned, betrayed, and used by a male authority figure, Capital Christian and someone I started to trust. My counselor and I have been working to overcome my massive trust issues, especially with men. We talked about how good it was that I was working with Garza, because he was someone I could trust and work with, and he is someone who can help me through the next 5 months of my life. Well unfortunately, he is out of the picture now, and he’s just another name on a list of people who have hurt me and that I do not trust.
An event happened concerning the security guard in 11th grade, that I can’t write because I never said anything except to 3 people, but it made me hate and not trust him. When I got detention for the stupidest thing the office lady said that he cares personally for us and our safety. Well I felt like screaming at her for that because he doesn’t. Not to mention I was just fine in Germany, Israel, Mexico and Africa by myself, I think I can handle driving to Starbucks, have a nice day…
So basically, the last three years of my life have sucked. Nothing will change the past, and sadly the future doesn’t start for another 5 months when I am free of this stupid, retarded, godless school.